Book Review: "History is All You Left Me" by Adam Silvera

Oh, where do I begin with this book?

It is as emotionally gripping as it is heart-wrenching. It is a window into grief and loss so pure you wish you could reach into the book and hug the protagonist over and over while being balanced on the edge of a love so beautiful in its reality and brokenness you want it for yourself while being at the same time glad you don’t have it. Of all the gut-twisting, heart-searing gay drama books I’ve read, I think this is Adam Silvera’s masterpiece of emotion. Just writing this review has made me cry. The story stays with you that strongly, like a heart brand you want to regret but can’t, wearing it like a badge of achievement.

A Structural Masterpiece

I suppose I’ll start this review with the easiest topic for my heart to manage, the narrative structure, which is one of the reasons this book is a masterpiece. Any nonlinear narrative is a challenge to pull off. Most stories might have some time skips, flashbacks, or simultaneity, but in this case, the nonlinear structure is foundational to the story. It flips back and forth constantly between history and the present day, slowly unfolding the drama, and you realize that multiple relationships are being built slowly page by page. The “History” timeline tells of the growing love story between the protagonist, Griffin, and his boyfriend Theo, a series of cute, funny, and heartwarming sections that slowly lead to heartbreaking ones as the plot unfolds and the gap between past and present slowly close. The “Today” sections tell the aftermath of Theo’s death and the relationship between the protagonist and Theo’s new boyfriend, Jackson, as they navigate the complexities of their shared loss and grief and jealousy.

It’s the particular way in which this is handled that makes Silvera’s execution so well done. Never did I feel that I wanted to go back to the other timeline or skip ahead, although sometimes I did ache for more Theo/Griffin love while dealing with the pain of the “Today” sections. Each one was important, informing the other, seamlessly connected so that it never felt jarring or unnecessary to go back and forth between the timelines. Dates are included for each chapter, but I rarely noticed them and rarely needed them. I can only imagine the effort and thought that went into this organization, but I can say that it worked, it worked masterfully.

The Plot

From a plot perspective, this book is quite straightforward. The protagonist falls in love with and dates his best friend, Theo. Theo moves away to college, and while they “break up” it is clear their love is not gone. Theo meets a new boyfriend, Jackson, and the tension between the three of them is predictably heavy. Theo drowns in a terrible accident in the ocean (this is not the big reveal or dramatic event. It’s there right at the beginning) and Griffin spends the entire book dealing with that loss. I will not spoil the actual big reveal or the ending. Ultimately, Griffin learns to move on from Theo and find love again.

I will argue that this is not a book you read for the plot. The mystery and importance aren’t in the plot. Rather, it’s all about the characters, the connections, the emotions that are constant on every page, every moment from the very first page to the very last. You will remember what happened, but that will be completely overshadowed by how it felt when it happened.

A Tale of Loss, Grief, and Recovery

At its heart, this book is about grief and loss, but that description, of course, does not do it any sort of justice. It’s impossible to nail down the “big” events that make the story. Some stand out of course, but it is really about the little things. The tiny, searing moments of pain, memory, jealousy, or rage, the hurt and loss that is so often silent, exploding on the inside rather than without.

The narrative shows that overcoming grief isn’t about big epiphanies or life-altering changes. It’s about a series of little moments that slowly manage to rebuild your heart even though you aren’t noticing the reconstruction. It’s about making mistakes as you navigate the pain of loss and using those mistakes to grow stronger. It’s about accepting what is rather than being chained to what was. It’s about realizing the truth about yourself, about others, about love.

I can say the book does have a happy ending, as happy as it can be. This is no romantic comedy, Hallmark feels good story here. Silvera’s books just aren’t that. It is instead a journey as beautiful as it is terrible, as uplifting as it is gut-wrenching. You will love Griffin and you will hate him. You will love Theo and you will hate him. You will love Jackson and you will hate him. You will never hate Wade. You will realize that they are all boys caught in life and love and pain, and you will forgive them their mistakes because you will know they needed to happen; they were inevitable, and you only want to take each boy’s hand and lead them out of the anguish—maybe after knocking them over the head in frustration over what they are doing to each other. It has one of those endings that you don’t see coming at all, but when it happens you look back and think, “Yeah, that totally makes sense, why didn’t I see the clues for what they were?”

I invite every reader to undertake the journey that is Adam Silvera’s History is All You Left Me. You will feel it. You might have to put it down a few times to grab a new tissue box.

You won’t regret it.

And if you have lost a love like the one between Griffin and Theo, then maybe healing can reach you too where you are least expecting to find it.